So you thought texting and driving was a dangerous mix. This story would probably strike most of us as a not very endearing use for floss, even gruesome, but this is a pretty intricate story.

A man driving his Toyota Prius along the superhighway in Connecticut was killed in a
bizarre and gruesome accident, or so it seemed (to be an accident, that is). According to the police report, the man was flossing his teeth with a floss pick while driving. It seems his car was rear-ended by a large pickup truck, causing the airbags to deploy. The force of impact between the airbag and the dental pick apparently drove the dental hygiene tool through his tissues into his skull, killing him.

Stop right now, you’re screaming, I don’t want to hear any more. But you do, don’t you?

The deceased seems to have had two passions in life, the environment (hence the Prius, which requires very little gas to run), and oral hygiene, to the point of being a compulsive flosser (like spending a large part of his waking time actively flossing his teeth). And guess who resented not being included in love triangle? His former girlfriend. She seems to have developed quite a resentment at being second fiddle to a bit of floss. And guess who was driving the pickup truck that rammed into the deceased’s car? It was this woman.

It seems, according to a police spokeman, that she knew his habits, knew he would be flossing while driving, and deliberately rammed him hard enough to kill him. THe report doesn’t say whether there was enough evidence to arrest and try the girlfriend, so maybe not, so we’re left wondering: Did this really happen?

If this was a game of Clue, would it be the former girlfriend in the pickup truck with the floss?

And the morals of this sad tale? Don’t floss and drive. Don’t floss so much that you drive love out of your life. And don’t floss so much that the love of your life drives the floss into you.