How do I floss my teeth? Let me count the ways (with apologies to Elizabeth Barrett Browning). The answer seems to be in infinite ways, something like love, but it should be done at least once, and preferably twice, every day (something like love?).

How many flavours does floss come in? Almost as difficult a question to answer.

Here’s a little tally of what I’ve been able to dig up:

There are Mint (obviously), Cinnamon, Creamsicle, Cupcake, Pork, Raspberry, Mint, and Fennel. One company packages a trio of floss packs with a breakfast theme: Coffee flavour, Waffle, and Bacon. I suppose you would use each flavour after finishing the related breakfast item, but I’m not a foodie, so I don’t really know.

Then come the truly unusual ones. Indian Curry (does it come in various degrees of heat?) and Cola (very subversive, really, when you think about it). There’s Salad, but don’t ask what might attract you to lettuce flavour, or is it cucumber? Does the Absinthe flavour cause hallucinations or whatever else absinthe does? I wonder if this is even legal, or might get you arrested if you’re trying to cross the border with it in your carry-on. Ranch might go well with the Salad flavour, I guess, then there’s Pickle (just plain wrong!) which could perhaps follow a hamburger.

Then there are the fruit flavours: Cranberry, great for the Thanksgiving holiday, Apple (as American as pie, but made in China – where else?), Cherry (again, as American as pie, with the same disclaimer). Flossing with Pineapple must be almost as good as a holiday in Hawaii. Banana apparently is recommended by 4 out of 5 monkey dentists, as noted on the packaging. There’s also Bubble Gum (Double Bubble, even), and Aloe flavour (protects your teeth from sunburn, maybe, but what does aloe really taste like?)

Others? Yes, more and more and more – Cardomom, Silver Nitrate (not really a flavour, but especially for you photography enthusiasts, or to leave attractive black marks on your teeth), Onion Ring, Old-fashioned Fruit Cake (when celebrating Christmas) and Egg Nog (New Year’s?). There probably are others, and you might even want to suggest some (to be published in a future post, I promise, if there are enough of them and they sound interesting but not disgusting.)

Strangely, I didn’t find floss with the world’s favourite flavour, Chocolate, but I did find a little book called The Chocolate Monster And The Dental Floss, by Jaesung Kim, part of The Dental Fairy Tales Series for children, available for Kindle (this is not an endorsement).

http://www.amazon.ca/Chocolate-Monster-Dental-Floss-Fairy-ebook/dp/B007GVHUBS

So what flavour is the best one to try? Whatever suits you, as long as you use it.

Illustration at top from Wikipedia Commons